grim expectations

...... i dnt know how to feel bout this really im either soo mad that ive gone full circle or im sooo chilled out from the music sesh at some strangers house aka phoebe i jus dont care. ok so heres wat happend from my eyes....

i get serveral texts and the convo ends with ill text you at 10 to see where you are, i get a phone call at 10 askin where i am and everything they tell me theyre in avondale house so im like ok kl ill meat you there, get there now walkin around n junk and gues what? they aint there, make a phone call and hey havnt even left the house yet so i bounce over there and this concludes that part.

not a big deal really i jus got a thing bout being lied to however small altho in this case its like meh but its all bout principal.

mooooooving on to wat really matters me and my peoples up stairs dancin n junk then they wana go outside cos its over hot im like ok kl im gona check down stair for dub, theres none and now im on the hunt for my peoples for 10 min or so, cant find em, so i send a text and get a phone call back, this ends with me finding out they left cos someone was havin problems. no see my problem with this is by the time we have this convo theyre on london road!... what if i didnt call when wud i have been told, for one of em being sober im a bit disapointed.

now we move to the end of the night and next man is like yh lets go to a house party, we head off then my mates hold me up a bit when they come like minutes later, a next man leaves so now i gota find this place via phone call now. get there and have a gd time with laughin gas. end of the night or more the start of the next day, next man is like im goin you comin now? ill meet you at a place in X time im like mmm can i link you at ya place, then im like ok ill meet you at a placein X time. cos i havin fun with my new ppls when i left now im callin my man and he aint pickin up i dnt kno where he lives tellin me to go a place i dnt kno where it is. his ass is asleep so now im stuck in town. and i treck it home and here i am now.

granted its early but if somethings hapnin and your providin the hospitality it gets to a point to a point when someones takin the piss and you say come now or fuck off not come now then leave im danglin.

im not mad im jus mmeh so far ive only been able to depend on one person 100% and i wasnt gona bother him. so now im like well thats gay i dnt care im a lil pissed tbh some of my people jus suck in the reliability area, i need new regualrs i think. unit was a bit wank tho so unless i have the comapny im not goin bk there in a hurraaay

In Response

over the past few months i have looked at my life and how i view it, takin pretty much everything as a joke cos i dnt wana put yself out there due to my lack of confidence thnx to my earlier years. i say silly little things and have comments that more often than not people just dont reply to or just ignore =\ it is leading me to the conclusion that either my friends have just been crushed under the weight of the world and have become lame or i am still kinda childish, i know im rather childish so i have to think its that.

being ignored or unapriciated sucks! makes man jus wana stop caring about everthing and live a life of just rules cos it seems thats the only way to get on in this world atm. i need to become famous so i dnt have to commit to these everday rules but im not good at anything so its stickin to the norm for me unfortunatly. i really wana find those people who are like me in a way kinda chilish so the weight of the world doesnt get them down unfortunatly i think theyre all students so i may be alone on that front. feeling crumy so hence fourth all random texts will stop and shall be put into note form cos people stopped caring along time ago ive jus refused to beleive it up until now laaaame!!

now that ive realised this i cant help but feel contempt for those i call my friends but it will pass with a few nights sleep, its not in my blood to hate or hold a grudge. the only thing thats really buggin me atm is when someones homesick in a far away land im over popular but when they come back im jus some needy guy. my response to that is... feh, im gona finish what i started (a present for a bday that was promised) deliver it and be done with them, i wont provoke or bother any longer not as if ill be missed or anything. i know im being over sensitive bout this i cant help how i feel about a situation but i can dull down how i feel or rather push it down push it way way down deal with it later.

... =\ feels like everything i like in this world is being stripped bare and im gona be left with a barel and slacks, bad times but hey its life i cant jus give up suicide has corssed my mind a few times but giving up is soo mich harder than carrying on besides most things, most problems in this world feel soo trivial to me i dnt have any real problems, sure i dnt have a job or many plans for the future or a girl but i have food a family a roof over my head and a system that cares enough to keep me just inside the loop, i so i cant just gie up. ive gota find that something that makes this life so none trivial gota find that someone i gues, thought i did for a while turns out that was a noo. somethings gota change and i think it needs to start with the scenery, start at the base and work my way up, friends can and will be replaced and everything will sorta fall into place.

hmm i wonder if ill be missed at all? i wonder if ill get that i miss you text if i do my response may very well be harsh and short...

i miss you

...So!

how are you?

im gd

kl

yep..... cya then

not to sound like a dickhead but my luv only stretches so far and once its gone its jus flopin loose in the background there, we'll be kl but im not gona try, why shud i, you gave up frist... yup ive turned a it cold hearted, a few more years and i cud be 100 i think. but its kool my one reader we'll be kl your shit to talk to on fb chat and a bit lame to txt these days but i like to think we have an understanding.

sleep time..... so to recap random texts have stopped, ppl who i bug when unneeded can preti much live their life without interuption from me and anyone doesnt respond to anything go on without me. this is not a bitch this is me being less childish and telling it like it is and you dealing with it... or not wat evs