To The One That Cared

I jus wana give luv to the one I call squeak. She one if them ppl I dnt get to see all that often and becuase of that when we do link it's kinda like on and off convoersation, in my books it's lame. She went away to Egypt a while back and before she left I kept buggin her for a gift I was 50/50 bout it, I wanted one but I wasn't gona make a scene if I didn't get anything. About 2 days before she left we had this arguement over something so small and trivial, I forget wat it is it was that pointless but when she got bk all wat ever it was that had us mad was gone and all was right in the world and needless to say I got my gift. I wanted an ankh and I got it, I was overly psyched but even more happy that despite leavin on dodgey ground she still got me a sumsum. And this leaves me to my point, everday I wear my ankh I feel like a ray of light is shining on me. Something good always seem to happen or something that's gona help me do better and even if it's hard work it jus outs me on the right track to doing a beter job. It may be lame to think like that but I hold faith in my ankh that pushed through the hate and now rests easy round my neck. I think that everyone needs someone or something to believe in. Religion has to many holes I can't blindly follow a book that leads me to live my life in a way that I dnt want to. And as for someone well I trusted someone once and they still hold my secrets, I still do trust them but time has made our friendship stale and the circumstances we meet under these days jus dnt lead me to believe that shits gona evolve from wat once was not wat now is. So I believe in my ankh, people smile more, good things happen, life doesn't seem so hard, that thing I wish I didn't or did do doesn't bother me cos there ain't no use in crying over spoilt milk. Rosie... :-) thnx a simple gesture has made my life easier to take in. I appriciate big things most def, but the little things mean more to me. A genuine I'm so glad to see you hug over something that costs money, drawn attempt of my face over a new watch a photo of me and a mate over a new iPod

dynamic entry

my attempt at making my own music just didnt work, i tried but it seems that i jus wasnt made to do this kinda thing, its all very well spitting into my phone at random times of the day but really wats the use if i cant put that into a song or get it down in note form. i havnt given up yet, ive just taken a fatal blow is all. i have however decided to take on a bunch of new tasks or something other than hanging out with my mates and working. really wana make a daft punk discovery helmet! but as far as i know you cant buy them online you have to make them which is a good way to take up time that i have to waste. unfortunatly i have absolutley no idea what im doing. i figure i can start off with a biker helmet or dirt bike helmet, but the problem arises when i try n figure out how to fill it up with lil LED lights the daft punk guys themselves have a power cord which leads to a power pack but i want that to be internal however since this is such a big task for me thats the last of my problems.

another taks i just took on is to help my mums garden look good for the summer or at least presentable ya know i forget what it looks like but im preti sure its jus heeps of mud and over grown bushes (hahahaha bush) its not my garden so i dnt have plans for it, jus think it would be nice if it were to be in the kinda shape that if something happend it wouldnt take ages to do.

Im been lookin at christmas, i dnt really like to celebrate halloween so i jus kinda bypass it.

im thinkin something personal this year things aint cheap and i dont think i have cheap taste so something home made me thinks this year, put that 1 creative cell to work once more and produce something nice for my peoples.

amy im sorry but there is no drama in my life this time i have a good sleeping pattern now so i dnt have all these odd thoughts in my head about life and stuff. i think im going out sat night so maybe ill think of something then but until then its the regular.

painfuly lonelly but dnt talk about it cos no one wants to hear it plus i dnt like talkin bout it, it totally bums me out, i want alot of stuff that i cnt afford. im trying like to hell to pay off this mother fucking!!!!!!!! beDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! so i can dash it, i found a buyer me thinks so soon it will be out of my life woop. until then PEACE.xx

champz and weed snippet

that flipin post almost didnt go up! i was about to flip out if it didnt beleive it OMG ITS 1.30!!! i need to get ot bed got flipin work aaaaahhh

celebrate that with my champz and weed

is it bad that i want to better myself for the wrong reasons? this came to mind after i asked myself is it stupid that i want someone to inspire me to do more....... in my sleep deprived state that actualy made sense, seeing it in front of me now it jus looks retarded! disgaurding that comment read on.

Ive asked myself this question quite a few times and each time i come to the same conclusion but i come to it differently each time. because as we all know its all about number 1, you! if your not happy then things have to change. and i think its fair to say that this is the rule for life it happens at college, you dont like the course so you change it, it happens at work, it happens with objects and food. If you dont like something then it changes right? well why doesnt this apply to relationships? why do people stay in a relationship with someone that they have fallen out of love with. is the prospect of being alone soo frightening, perhaps its the effort of trying to find another girl, i dnt know i think that said person has got used to someone always being around or having someone to hang out with. because you have a relationship like this with the rents do you not? but you grow out of the parents because well... theyre your parents, you got things you got desires that they cannot fufill so you look else where for company because you can, you know there is someone else better out there.

so then why does this not work with other people? why can you not tell someone its not working, why is it soo dam hard. ill tell you why because falling in love with someone is a joke its all there for you to see you fall in love with someone, love is like a pit you just keep falling and the longer you leave it the harder it is to climb out of that pit. at this point i sound like a heartless joyless knob whos just had his heart broken well not true because heres wat i believe in, i think that you should admire and respect someone. respect that they can look after them selves, that they like spending time with you and with other people and most importantly respect that they might have bigger dreams than what you have in mind. treasure that time you spend together because when its gone its gone and tomo it wont be the same but you can always get off on how good a time it was. I say this because you can only have so much respect for someone before it becomes and obsession, after that its the whole pit theory again.

if it all goes wrong this wont protect you but i like to think that it helps, because you werent so dependant on someone.

gota bunch of other crap on my mind and that ill come at you with, in the mean time im gona end this on a music vibe.

this charming man - the smiths (argh theres something in my eye WHHHHYY) is a great song i gota give props to mike once again for turnin me to it, i think it would do well in the charts if someone sang it again. bought another pair of skull candy headphones my 4th pair!! they havnt lasted me longer than a month with the execption of my full metal jackets that my lodger broke (and WILL replace) uk grime is havin a big effect in the way i feel about music, all this electro and hip hop is kinda buggin me i need to get out there and find something new. thats wat i always say but now im starting to think that maybe i shud take a break. i wana write my own shit but the problem there is i got too many beats in my head at one time and when i try and get it down the beat changes. everytime i come up with a good beat to spit im in a public place by myself and look dumb. argggh (i be a pirate)

(BIG FUCKING SIGH) LIFE!!! why does everything feel so trivial? is it just me or does lifes problems not seem so bad in comparison?? hrmmm ponder on the loo

p.s. not proof read

peace.xx