dont watch me fam, watch porrrrn

ahhi write this on a pc and its kinda slow kinda reaaaall slow so i might come out prety sloppy even more so than it did before. but im just a bit anoyed today, maybe im being a bit gutless here but its just when things go wrong on my end its not really one big problem, its almost always lots of little things buidl up. but the reason they bug me is because im not askin for much its a simple gesture i want from you but aparently thats undo able.
ME; oh snap i left myself logged in fb on X`s phone can you log me out and when can we link? its been a while.
i can be logged out but i cant get a reply? well why not? ok what ever i can let it slide, once i have what i need back from you, i aint gona bizness with you no more and when everyone turns on you again dont beg it!!
THEM; oh what time do you finish tomo?
ME; at 8 why?
THEM; ok well when you get bk we can go pick up some of your stuff if you wantd to
ME; oh thanks yh yh sounds good.
just to jump to the point this didnt happen and this is the 3rd time THEY offered..... nigga if you aint gona do it then dont offer! i can handle my own shit but im gona keep puttin plans to one side if you offer. but what ever this is what i get for having faith, very little people have given me reason to have faith in other people.
the dialogue in this is too long but i have a question its rhetorical because most will say someone else but tbh i really dont thiunk its true.
who has more power than your EX? you can tell me every name under the sun but i wudnt believe you. and the reason for this is because i hear a lot of convos with and without opinions also people confide in me for some reason so i kno thru other exps.
THE STORY; texting a galy, get invited out to town by the galy, get persuaded to go bk to galys place, fooling around with the galy and when its all said and done the ex calls..... well after 20 min i can take a hint so i bounce. roughly an hour passes in total and i get a sorry text, by now im all calmed down and chilled thnx to my dub so i just laow it. send bk the its not a big deal text and move on home. opening the gate and then having to slam it shut again is a hard thing to do for most but ive grown so used to it, it dont really fase me any more. i dont live for the physical i need a conection and when you think yo might have one turns out its another dead lead ahh well aint that some shit fo your ass.
soo yah those 3 things all within 2 days. if i didnt have a job it would totally be fml but i got a distraction and a gd one at that so i can deal with it!
hmm writing this down was suposed to make me feel better but it didnt im still pissed. hmm i think im gona have to visit my only reader for a wknd, shes always good to me.

on a new note i got pasted this song, now i describe this as the way id end up if i didnt lose my job i unfortunatly can post a link buy youtube being a dickheads cool
it is such a dam funny song better than fuck you by cee lo green i think. so thats me done for now im gona go sleep off this bit of a rage like a baaad hang over ive got plenty of ridding to do tomo as well to work out my stress. lata bitches

poor lil tink tink

Zach has a friend and Zachs freind is fond of a few things one thing in particular are guns... yes GUNS even more in particular .... i think that makes sense? are BB guns none of this £5 business you get at the fair its all about athe glock, M1 and shotgun.

the point of this is gues who has one also courtesy of his pal? thats right me! he got me a shoty and boy does it do some damage. 300 FPS (feet per second for all you who dnt know) so that means at close range yeah it fuckin hurts! but at range its a bit wank so kinda like a regular shot gun really. He's got a gassed powered M1 and let me tell you that things bullet fly straight and make easy sport of plants and my face. yep thats right shot in the face 3 times youll be happy to kno i didnt cry nor was i close but god dam did it hurt! i didt get 2 in on him tho so its not bad i wuda got more if he wasnt wearing glasses, good thing too wuda blinded the fool. i call my shotty tink tink cos thats the sound it makes when i fire it. if we wana get technical bout it i shud call it tink 45 cos thats how many rounds i get per clip oorah!

and ive just joined soundcloud so im uploading some of my fave mixes to it so if you get a chance check out

www.soundcloud.com/house_of_el

check my mixes for the most part the are mixed poorely so take more notice in the songs ive chosen more than anything.

didnt cha know biscope remix by erykah badu is my song i share with you this time, i found it last night and fell in love erykah badu being the most ideal woman anyway but on top of that biscope done a bang up job of remixing that soong so youtube it and give it the praise it sooo deserves. this is me signing off

p.s. i really cant beleive how full of slut bags square is chavs are full of them selves because they go there, you quite litterally dont have to do anything just be there and be able to hold a gd convo or be able to dance and youve pulled at least 2 women... its a sad site to see women demeaning themselves like that making it a snap thankfully its only a small percentage. and before you ask i was only there no wait i was only out that night because my friend was buying for EVERYONE! the luvable lug and thats his place of choice so i jus went along. that place cud really do with a carpet shampooing annnywaaaay if you need a pick me up there is your best place to go its full of ego feed.

signing off now lata btiches

grim expectations

...... i dnt know how to feel bout this really im either soo mad that ive gone full circle or im sooo chilled out from the music sesh at some strangers house aka phoebe i jus dont care. ok so heres wat happend from my eyes....

i get serveral texts and the convo ends with ill text you at 10 to see where you are, i get a phone call at 10 askin where i am and everything they tell me theyre in avondale house so im like ok kl ill meat you there, get there now walkin around n junk and gues what? they aint there, make a phone call and hey havnt even left the house yet so i bounce over there and this concludes that part.

not a big deal really i jus got a thing bout being lied to however small altho in this case its like meh but its all bout principal.

mooooooving on to wat really matters me and my peoples up stairs dancin n junk then they wana go outside cos its over hot im like ok kl im gona check down stair for dub, theres none and now im on the hunt for my peoples for 10 min or so, cant find em, so i send a text and get a phone call back, this ends with me finding out they left cos someone was havin problems. no see my problem with this is by the time we have this convo theyre on london road!... what if i didnt call when wud i have been told, for one of em being sober im a bit disapointed.

now we move to the end of the night and next man is like yh lets go to a house party, we head off then my mates hold me up a bit when they come like minutes later, a next man leaves so now i gota find this place via phone call now. get there and have a gd time with laughin gas. end of the night or more the start of the next day, next man is like im goin you comin now? ill meet you at a place in X time im like mmm can i link you at ya place, then im like ok ill meet you at a placein X time. cos i havin fun with my new ppls when i left now im callin my man and he aint pickin up i dnt kno where he lives tellin me to go a place i dnt kno where it is. his ass is asleep so now im stuck in town. and i treck it home and here i am now.

granted its early but if somethings hapnin and your providin the hospitality it gets to a point to a point when someones takin the piss and you say come now or fuck off not come now then leave im danglin.

im not mad im jus mmeh so far ive only been able to depend on one person 100% and i wasnt gona bother him. so now im like well thats gay i dnt care im a lil pissed tbh some of my people jus suck in the reliability area, i need new regualrs i think. unit was a bit wank tho so unless i have the comapny im not goin bk there in a hurraaay

In Response

over the past few months i have looked at my life and how i view it, takin pretty much everything as a joke cos i dnt wana put yself out there due to my lack of confidence thnx to my earlier years. i say silly little things and have comments that more often than not people just dont reply to or just ignore =\ it is leading me to the conclusion that either my friends have just been crushed under the weight of the world and have become lame or i am still kinda childish, i know im rather childish so i have to think its that.

being ignored or unapriciated sucks! makes man jus wana stop caring about everthing and live a life of just rules cos it seems thats the only way to get on in this world atm. i need to become famous so i dnt have to commit to these everday rules but im not good at anything so its stickin to the norm for me unfortunatly. i really wana find those people who are like me in a way kinda chilish so the weight of the world doesnt get them down unfortunatly i think theyre all students so i may be alone on that front. feeling crumy so hence fourth all random texts will stop and shall be put into note form cos people stopped caring along time ago ive jus refused to beleive it up until now laaaame!!

now that ive realised this i cant help but feel contempt for those i call my friends but it will pass with a few nights sleep, its not in my blood to hate or hold a grudge. the only thing thats really buggin me atm is when someones homesick in a far away land im over popular but when they come back im jus some needy guy. my response to that is... feh, im gona finish what i started (a present for a bday that was promised) deliver it and be done with them, i wont provoke or bother any longer not as if ill be missed or anything. i know im being over sensitive bout this i cant help how i feel about a situation but i can dull down how i feel or rather push it down push it way way down deal with it later.

... =\ feels like everything i like in this world is being stripped bare and im gona be left with a barel and slacks, bad times but hey its life i cant jus give up suicide has corssed my mind a few times but giving up is soo mich harder than carrying on besides most things, most problems in this world feel soo trivial to me i dnt have any real problems, sure i dnt have a job or many plans for the future or a girl but i have food a family a roof over my head and a system that cares enough to keep me just inside the loop, i so i cant just gie up. ive gota find that something that makes this life so none trivial gota find that someone i gues, thought i did for a while turns out that was a noo. somethings gota change and i think it needs to start with the scenery, start at the base and work my way up, friends can and will be replaced and everything will sorta fall into place.

hmm i wonder if ill be missed at all? i wonder if ill get that i miss you text if i do my response may very well be harsh and short...

i miss you

...So!

how are you?

im gd

kl

yep..... cya then

not to sound like a dickhead but my luv only stretches so far and once its gone its jus flopin loose in the background there, we'll be kl but im not gona try, why shud i, you gave up frist... yup ive turned a it cold hearted, a few more years and i cud be 100 i think. but its kool my one reader we'll be kl your shit to talk to on fb chat and a bit lame to txt these days but i like to think we have an understanding.

sleep time..... so to recap random texts have stopped, ppl who i bug when unneeded can preti much live their life without interuption from me and anyone doesnt respond to anything go on without me. this is not a bitch this is me being less childish and telling it like it is and you dealing with it... or not wat evs

twitter-fied

just joined twitter and to be honest i am not all that impressed with what i see its quite over hyped and its everywhere and i cant really figure out why but hey ive only jus scratched the surface i guess if not then it is overrr simple and well i can agree with that.

ive noticed that alot of my stuff on here is me on some winging flex, hrmm well i think thats gona have to change, its what happend when i drink sometimes. pretty sure the last one was me jus being mad because i was over jealous that everyone pulled except me! hhahah pitiful right?

soo this is a msge to my uhh followeR all one of them uhh if you havnt read what i said then keep it that way, i might jus go ahead and delete it. because today begins a new direction, im not gona start saying ive gona be on here every week and all that cos my life jus really is not that interesting to be doing that. soo instead jus gona hit this up with new music and info and things kinda like a big fuckin tweet! like right now im gona say i am fuckin luvin upular by pogo on youtube prety much all his shit is prety kool. also D Double E killed it with the street fighter riddim OMG ITS STREET FIGHTING TIME hahah luvit.

two door cinema club atm are rockin my world its nice change from dubstep so yeah, i wana go see em in sept but i dnt have a ticket noooo P.... GRIM!

left my phone on the bus the other day that was lame, im prety sad about how outdated my exlcusive to zach ipod for the first 6 months is now officially out moded and how my mac continues to be ohhh so shit due to all these epic updates that its tiny CPU and memory (not to mention hardrive 40GB!!!!!! fail) jus cant take. oh well it still works thats sumin i guess.

soo yah theres more to my life but meh not too interesting but before i go: i wish i knew natalie portman but K-OS yeahh thats a gd summer tune and spectrum falls by ital tek siiigh its like meth to me =D

nutts to this world

i wsonly a a believer up until tonight, now i am a strong believer that man is only is strong as his emotiions let him be. you want to say no sto something then just dont care for it if you do then that could be you gamed over.

most likely its the alcihole speaking but right now i am soooo mad that sumin is gona happen, im mad cos its gona happen cos someone else who is considered a bit of a ho is being favoured over me because i come across to EVERYONE aparently as as a borther/ family type official. i come t pece with this (what seemed to be) fact being seen in this way is ok ut for some people its jus like ojh for fuck sake!!

ppl see you in tis light because its nigce to them and it suits them that means i cna like this dude withiouft it being wierd, im pretty sure thats the thought that goes thru there mind, becoaus of htis no one gets to see the real me, all my life ive put a front and because of that ppl think thats how i am, ppl chane when tehy are alone with you so why am i any different!!

no one wants to give me a chancw so you knw wat i say?

wat ever!

if they dont wnt the potenial then wat ever. i am thru lookin a fool, i am thru tryna find a kinda luv amongst ppl i kno, i am thru thinkin friends are worth alot more than they actually are!

fuck emotions and fuck my peoples, partially down to me that this has happend, i have one goal in life and if it doesnt happen with this goal, i will completely imbrace the shinobe way!

im not young anymore, ppl at my age are having kids and living thier lives doing something at least, i dont have THING GOIN MY WAY so ya kno wat, wat ever.

my heart breaks and weeps the only thing i can count on is dubstep. i count on that it wont go away in a hurry. i cnt even count on myself to be of anysue to the fam so i count onf dub to keep my head above water, because if i dont count on that, my mind will take me to a dark place.

unfortuantly i can do nothing to prove this point, i cant send texts, and becuase of this i wont get any for myself, for the most part i wont gwt anyhing, ppl who have unlimited texts wont send the stupid texts anymore and tats what i look forward too cos its something.as of sat 3.33 i have had 6 texts 2 is a present msg and one is a group msg.

meditation is the key to my problems!!

a new direction

ive went all out here i went to a dub step night and ya know what, in the begining it was alright tunes was blazing and we were talking and all was good. then time went on abit more and tunes got a bit darker yh tunes was realy starting to resinate with man the base was jus right and the beat was jus connecting with man and i was feeling it then i was told that sumnin erta could come into the equastion and me being me having nothing to loose said yeah and get my hopes the man cudnt deliver the extra content as it were and i was let down so i jus got tired and just wanted to go home. my girl was outa the picture for a while that place was packed! i shud mention that by this point i was prety drunk so didnt care i was raving like it was goin outa fashion. I got offered the first time but there were soo many bad omens take that risk at this time jus didnt seem worth it, so i just laowed it because the intention was to not show myself up. time got on and i was getin sober and a bit bored and tired sooo the second time my will had weakend... i took the shit and ya kno wat im prety sure i left the toilet lookin correct but becuase i had no control over my body people automatically started talking to me like im a fool like my mind was right as it stands only alc affects me to the point that i am clueless. i sed some shit to people things i wanted and still want to keep on down low and now they know, whether they believed me or not, i dnt know but i fear for the worst, this way things cant get any worse. after the stuff wore off i felt myself wanting more for obvi reasons but i was almost like i needed it but couldnt get it after the initial urge was gone i was good. im still a bit shakey but i know now how people get suckd into a dark world and sell all there shit and alienate thier friends for this shit.
people are gona look down one me for this if i tell them im sure but i dont care, i had to know im young and dnt have much of addictive attitude to things so im good, besides i dnt kno anyone that sells this shit. this was an interesting night for me i cant really remember anything else relavent to the point atm so im jus gona end this lil session and be on my way
peace xx

PB&J

everytime i try and get back onto this thins a iforget my password and i have to reset it but this time i think ive figured out wat ive ive been doing wrong! i have been puttin in some kinda number and letter combo see now if i jus stick to letters ill be juuuuust fine :]

I found these guys online called the remnant and they have this nice song called know this. right now im listening to the album and it is rocking my world right now. it make me wish i was busy doing a job that i could wear headphones for so i could listen to it all day.

alas i dont soo its back to not doing the above thing... im over tired and its 3.40 i need to get to bed ive got a long day of BORING STUFF to do tomo need a flipin job. i was remaining optimistic until today i check on nuff sites and there is just no work in soton!! i tell ya if nate wasnt here keepin me sane i wuda done left for bigger and better places, i could be in bristol stalking my luv and bumming off my sista... oh well jus gota make do with wat i got i guess. really want some new clothes i realised this when i went out monday night i only had 1 top i havnt worn and its more of a novelte ya know the equalizer T its kool but a lil too much LOOK AT MY CHEST!! also there is alot of bagy stuff up there, i dno when this happend im not sure if im slowly loosing weight or if shit is stretching or sumin....hm

got a new table from mumzy friend its friggin glass ways a ton and looks very nice in the lounge totally takin up way too much space for something we will hardly use but looks nice still and thats what matters the most, have had a lot of guests up here more in the last 2 months than i have in the last few years.... overly sad but its true so the table must stay.

ok stupidly tired going now, write some more tomo/ later if i get the chance between my busy schedual of boring stuff and stupidly boring stuff